Home Office |
So I've returned to my old friend Blogger to provide me ample room to air my grievances and share pictures of my vajayjay. Probably not that last part, but if it sells books, who am I to play coy?
Role Model |
However, when fortune cookie time came, we forgot one little thing: Parents are old and stubborn, which means not only will they be unable to read the small print of a two-inch fortune, but they will have failed to bring their reading glasses, even though they knew there would be menus chock full of tiny, illegible letters. So with her granny blues squinted so hard they nearly closed, my mom deciphered her fortune aloud...
A NEW ADDITION WILL SOON JOIN YOUR FAMILY
Cue Mr. Jen and I beaming as we awaited our kudos for a job well done. (A job that many assumed we must've been doing wrong, given that we've been married for ten years.) My mom grinned. She squee'd.
And then... she announced that this must mean it's time for her to get another dog. She repeats this, to make sure it has caught the full ire of my stepdad, who's perfectly happy with their current two.
"Why don't you just read the rest?" I said, with gritted teeth as a surge of preggy hormones coursed through my soon-to-be varicose veins. Finally, she began pulling the tiny slip of paper back and forth in front of her eyes until she finally realized there was a little more to the fortune.
LUCKY NUMBERS: 3-28-15
LUCKY LETTERS: B-A-B-Y-E-S-T-E-S
And the rest was pretty much...