SHE's here!

Just a quick pause to introduce you to Gabrielle Shae, born 3/25/15 at 8 lbs. 5 oz.! Now, go give your mom a hug because childbirth HURTS! I'm off to nap...

As my due date looms...

Bumpdate: Week 39 (The '40 divided by 4 = WTF' edition)

Wait. It's going to come out of where???

Nine months. Nine months. Nine months. That's all you ever hear. There was even that movie with Hugh Grant and Julianne Moore... which I thought I liked, but there's a scene where Julianne's character tries to get rid of Hugh's character's cat because she's totally jelly that it's way cuter than her and her baby. Or maybe it was because she had an irrational fear of toxoplasmosis (which, FYI, she was much more likely to get from contaminated produce or meat at her fictional grocery store). Either way, two paws down. But back to business: "nine" months are actually ten, kinda like how "morning" sickness is any damn time sickness. Dick move, preggy books.

Baby is the Size of a... mini watermelon. Ahem... mini?

Swell Hell: Le sigh. It's hard to give the middle finger when you have no feeling in it.

Weight Gain: I stopped counting.

Sleep: Well, the finish line is in sight and I still find that giant U-shaped body pillow (the one that all the preggy books said I HAD TO HAVE) to be a cumbersome, suffocating, overpriced, unnecessary, pain in my ass.

I'm looking forward to... what do you think?!? (I mean, besides pizza night.)

Bumpdate: Week 38 (Alternate Title: Revenge of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man)

Cankles, like death and the taxman, come for us all.

Baby is the Size of a... leek. A leek? I'm assuming these leeks grow in a super GMO field that is located under a power line and watered with that ooze that mutates adolescent sewer turtles into buff ninjas.

That's Just Swell: I still have the carpal tunnel fun in my hands and wrists, with the added aesthetic pleasure of Flintstone feet.

Weight Gain: Twenty-six pounds.

Sleep: I snore now. Much apologies to DH and Wrigley, though after years of putting up with both of their massive log-sawing (yep, cats can snore)... um, #sorrynotsorry.

Pick a Bday, Any Bday: When I first found out I was preggo, I hoped for an April Fools' Day Baby ("How cute!"). Then, I rooted for March 26th, my due date ("A 26er! Just like me, my brother, my sister-in-law, and bonus, it's my mother-in-law's bday - easy gift!"). After awhile, I landed on a St. Patty's Day baby instead ("Grandpa Sweeney was a first gen American, after all!"). Now I've decided a Friday the 13th baby is the way to go. After all, it's going to be a bloody, scary and a guy with a mask will be reaching into my insides.

Best Moment of the Week: Last night, DH wrapped ice packs around my feet...

Bumpdate: Week OMG My Belly Is Going To Explode (or, 37)

Clearly, the cats have had enough of these pics. Join the club, kitties!

I hit Week 37 this week, which is very exciting, because it means this bumpdate could be my last! Or there could be another five. Interestingly enough, I'm measuring at 38 weeks - which actually caught me by surprise, because it feels like about 58 weeks.

Baby is the size of a... toddler. Have you seen my stomach?!

Weight Gain: Twenty-five pounds, but I just made a cheesecake, so look out!

Stretch Marks: Not yet, but I know they're coming - assuming my stomach has any stretch left in it.

Best Moment This Week: It's a secret! But I might be able to share it with in April. Forgive the vague-y-ness, I'm sworn to secrecy! But it's crazy, wild, awesome, exciting, and the timing couldn't be... more insane.

I leave you with... my GIF of belly progression: