Bumpdate: Week 36!

This week's costar: IVY! I don't know how many more weeks I have left, but I want to make sure and get one with each kitty cat. Which means next week is... Captain Moo! (The enchantingly bipolar, formerly feral permakitten .)

I had a good run of being that preggo that other preggos hate: I didn't have cankles and I could make it into the grocery store without waddling. But clearly, the pregnancy gods are dog people and I have been smited (smote?) with the swelling wand. And from this swelling, I have pregnancy carpal tunnel syndrome. (It's a thing!) And I now walk around like the Penguin. And I'm not talking emo-cutie-Robin-Lord-Taylor-Penguin. I'm talking Danny-DeVito-Slopping-On-A-Raw-Fish Penguin.

Baby is the size of a... ninja. A baby ninja trying to kick its way into this world.

Weight Gain: Twenty-four pounds.

Sleep: Is even more difficult when you're trying to prop up your ankles and wrists.

Belly Button: Enters rooms before I do.

Best Moment This Week: That would be my pre-natal massage, which for the record is THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE A PREGNANT LADY. 

Bumpdate: Week 35

I really enjoy the looks on people's faces when they are obtuse enough to ask what gender I "really" want and I show them a pic of Wrigley and say, "Well I already have a boy..."

Well, this is it. The week I really began to feel pregnant. When even sitting is hard and turning over in bed is an Olympic feat.

Fruit to Fetus Comparison... a honeydew. (Watermelon's lame cousin.)

Weight Gain: Twenty-three pounds. (And counting, thanks to those V-Day candy clearance sales...)

Sleep: Is a far, distance memory.

Belly Button: Is the weirdest thing I've ever seen, but still hasn't popped.

Best Moment This Week: Impromptu snow day with DH wherein we began our pre-Season 5 GoT marathon. 

Bumpdate: Week 34

Thirty-four... and how many more?

If This Baby Was in the Produce Department, It Would... weigh between four and five pounds. Because I am capable of comprehending weights without comparing them to produce, I decided to just ask my doc how much the baby weighs right now. Take that, preggy books! 

Weight Gain: Twenty-one pounds. Note: This is a Pre-Valentine's-Day-candy number.

Cravings: Laffy Taffy.

Sleep: At night I pee, and lay down a few times to sleep.

Belly Button: Does not resemble that of an Earthling's.

Best Moment This Week: Hearing the baby's heartbeat! 144, which it has been the last three doctor appointments. 

Looking Forward To: Valentine's Day! I know, barf - right? But after a decade of boycotting, DH and I decided that it is absurd that we do not celebrate a holiday dedicated to candy and sex. (However, we will continue to sneer/mock/judge commercials that imply blood diamonds are the only true measure of lurrrve.)

Bumpdate: Week 33!

But babies aren't covered in those little spiky edges when they come out, right?

If This Baby Was in the Produce Department, It Would Be... getting pinched by old ladies. Oh! You mean a size reference. Well, a pineapple. See what I did there with my picture? 

Weight Gain: Holding firm with my twenty pounds, despite my valiant efforts to taste every flavor that Breyers® makes. (Girl Scout Samoas FTW.)

Cravings: Well, this pineapple is looking pretty good.

Sleep: Eh.

Belly Button: Is peeking out to say hello.

Symptoms: I'm still fairly boring. In fact, but for that first trimester bout of morning sickness, this giant pineapple-infused bump, and one extremely erotic dream starring Patton Oswalt, things are pretty much same-old, same-old.

Best Moment This Week: Um, I think I covered this with the Saved by the Bell skit on Jimmy Fallon. 

Looking Forward To: The Walking Dead returning on Sunday night! And Better Call Saul! God, I love TV.